The strangest feeling

Sometimes it frightens me how much I am capable of sleeping. I barely do anything all day and yet at night ... I think it's going to take me forever to drop off, but then, it's done and before I know it the night has passed and I'm waking up in the morning. This morning we didn't wake up until 10.20. It was overcast and rainy outside...yet more disappointing weather for July, but this Summer was already washed away by circumstance, so I don't care. Not much pain in the breast - more like a discomfort and a sensitivity in the breast interior. When I move, I can feel the implant sloshing around, and sometimes it feels as if I have a sensitive internal nipple that it touches. I can't explain it, but it's a 'double' sensation, very bizarre.

To look at the reconstructed breast, which I try not to do very often because it's still not very nice to look at, gives me mixed feelings. It's a miraculous thing and I am more protective of this new breast than I thought I would be - probably because I almost lost the whole thing with the haematoma. The new nipple is the same colour as the surrounding skin on top, but is still very much a scab on the underside. Running from the nipple on the underside is a seam of scab tissue, running to the under-crease against my chest, which again, is scabbed from the armpit to the breastbone.  The breast itself feels almost numb, but underneath the surface it's a pillow of pain, sharp pain if put under pressure. One thing that has improved is that when I see acts of violence in films, the scar no longer aches and tingles. I have only had two doses of painkillers today, whereas I normally would have had three and be taking a fourth to go to bed.  The paracetamol definitely works best in tandem with codeine, but I no longer take the codeine in every dose. Another improvement is that the sharp pains I normally experience in the evening have been very far apart this evening.

I made a banana loaf today with some old bananas, honey, maple syrup and wholemeal bread. I couldn't find a British recipe giving me ingredient weights; it was all in American 'cups', so I had to guess the proportions with a little online help from Jesse, my American baking friend. It certainly looked right, but it came to eating it, we smothered it with Carnation Caramel and spoiled the whole point of me making something with no sugar! ....and this reminds me...I really must exercise soon....